What I'm Worrying

Ad passed exam quite a long time ad, but i still sitting at home bcaz i'm too pickative towards my temporary job. I don't wan sales job and i don't wan full time. Most of the jobs i found are needed to work full day on weekends. I tell myself i don't wan to be like tat. Weekends are my family bond time. I work just bcaz i wan something to do during tis period of time where i'm waiting 4 my result to come out, not bcaz i needed the money until i can't live without it. Some of them even work at herbal shop where they need to work on the 2nd day of Chinese New Year. Tis day i need 2 go bac 2 my grandma house. If i work my mum sure not like it. And during tis period i had been thinking about my relationship about me and my best friend. Is been a long time i din take picture wif him. I can't even hav a photo of him tat can upload to my facebook account. Mayb I sit too long inside my house until those feelings back again. I don't wan to think like tat de but i really don't know wat my friend is thinking. He din tell me all at. Tat day he just go to my another friend's house just bcaz i teach tat friend IT. He din inform me. If not i sure wil stay and chat wif him. Or actually he can come to my house. Wat really comes to his mind at tat time?

Ad ten days i din update my blog. But i really don't have time to update it. Busy with homework and tuition. I feel tire of being left out. People seem like don't wan 2 talk 2 me. Maybe they feel tat i am boring and not fun at all or maybe i think too much. A friend of mine told me tat all pieces are like tat, but i don't trust this kind of nonsense. I think tat a person's personalities are developed by their parents. Tat means different person has different personalities as their environmental factors (parents) are different. For example my friend who is the same birthday with me is totally different from me. We din even have any common personalities. And i also feel bored with the life i have now. Always study and no relaxation. Although people always say tat when we decided to enter form six, we must study hard. But we r human too. We also need to relax sometime. Life is not just about study and working. I like study smart but not hard and i also like free time (alone time) but not scheduled life. Teachers always say form six need 2 have a schedule 4 study, but i din actually follow what they said. I study according to my mood. If i really no mood, i won't force myself to study. Although i know this is not right, but i wan good result without study hard. LAZY.

Today the drama competition held at my school (STAD) finally ended and my team did not win. I am a bit disappointed but already past. Today as i act, i really want to cry but i can't. Don't know why after the competition only i started to feel like crying. This was most probably the last time i can join this kind of competition. I really hope that my team can win because it was the last time. U know how sad i am when i knew my team did not win. But i can't just ignore that other teams were better. So i just accept the fact that my team lost. I still feel that i can't mix with friends that are same class with me now. Still have wall among us. A wall that can never be broken through. I feel sad nowadays because it seems like no body appreciate for what i had done for them. Even the most basic words like "thank you" also did not say. My request is very easy to achieve. Isn't it? I just want people to appreciate me. Is that so hard just to say thank you? I don't want to feel like people are using me just because they think that i'm stupid and kind. Can easily do things for them. I'm human. I got feelings too, u know?. So, please stop doing that! Or else i will be suffering from mental problems. Maybe i'm little bit too sensitive. I should let go of my anger and try to be happy.

School Reopens

Another one day and my holidays will end. I really can't accept this fact tat school reopens. I really love holidays, i don't like school. At school my friends tat r same class with me now treat me different because i am not same class with them during secondary school. I'm in form six now. Everything changes. All the subjects i study r much harder than secondary school. Physics, Chemistry and Maths r much harder to score A and usually i no need 2 study for Maths, but now i need to memorize all those very complex formula and take tuition for Maths. I really scare i will ruin again this time. I only got 8As 4 my SPM instead of 12 or 11As, which most of my friends got. My class during secondary school was a 12 subjects class, including account. I got A 4 my three science subjects, maths and account, but all my language subjects got 3B and the worst was history. I got 4B 4 my history subject. Don't know y i really hate history, i can't help myself to love it, just like i hate pengajian am. Pengajian am is just like history, but most of it is about the structure of government. I like science and maths and i hate history, really boring and no fun at all. Don't know this is my problem or not. Some of my friends got 1A 4 their history. Jealous much

Christmas's Feelings

Although now ad pasted christmas, but i still feel sad about wat happen tat day. My friends all went to KL but i rejected them bcaz my second won't allow and i don't wan to argue wif her. Besides, i thought my good friend wil accompany me as i asked him b4 tat day and he said he won't go, but suddenly he changed plan and went. I really angry and sad. Actually, my sixth sis permitted me to go, but i din fight 4 my own right, bcaz i really thought tat my friend wil accompany me and now i feel sad. Another friend of mine asked me to take the photos tat were captured tat day from my neighbour who is also my same class friend during secondary school. I feel more sad after i looked at those photos. They smile and looked like very happy tat day and me only stayed at house the whole day, din even went out. My eldest sis went out wif her family, my second sis needs to paint the house for CNY, my third and fourth sis ad married and moved out, my fifth sis had to work tat day and my sixth sis went out wif her boyfriend. No one accompany me tat day and my christmas was ruining. I always dream of going to country where there is four seasons and celebrate my christmas there wif my family. Although i can't go to other countries to celebrate, but i feel happy to celebrate wif my family. But this year was different then all the christmas i had b4. Boring and nothing to do. I had never been like tat b4.

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I feel complicated about my feelings towards my friends. Although i feel disgust about her, but don't know why i feel angry when she asked me about whether my best friend will go out with me or not on Sunday (30th of Nov). She want somebody to accompany her during her lunch break, but definitely not me. All she cares about is my best friend. They always SMS each other and told each jokes and special news. This made me feel like I'm a toad that live in a well. Everything they said i can't get it.

Me and My Friends

Already one week i din go out with my friend. I feel weird when i go out with them. I need some time to make up our relationships. The last time i went out with them was Sunday, 30th of Nov. We watched movie together. The movie that we watched was "Twilight". This was the first time i watched "Twilight". Before we watched "Twilight", we have lunch together with another friend of mine. This friend is a "she". She used to be my good friend in Form 5. But, don't know why things started to change. I feel disgust. Maybe is my problems that i feel like that. I always think that she is going to take something that is important to me away from me. This feeling started during my class trip on December. One thing happen to my best friend during that time. My best friend is a boy and i can't tell his name inside my blog. He almost punched another person. The person jump out from the ghost house in Genting and scared my good friend. My best friend want to punch that person just for her. Although in a third person view, especially girls will feel that he is so man. But, in a good friend opinion, i don't like this. After this incident happen, i felt weird to go out together with her and my best friend. They will start to chat and i just sit beside them and do nothing at all.